Because I Knew Love
I must be young at age despite that I am in my 30’s, it does not mean I know everything. I often heard that love was something we feel, we touch and we see. But most of the time I do not feel at all. My emotions sometimes are not coming along with me. I was desperate to feel loved in my teenage years. Therefore I sought it everywhere. In manner of relationships like friendship, group belonging, organisation, religious facade and alike. But none of this can give that answer.
I have not heard and felt love directly from my parents. Although I know their efforts show that. I know they did their best, but in my small understanding of love, I thought I know how to love. The more I grew and tried to discover the feelings to feel the love, I didnt find it. I found confusion instead. I thought more that love was something that I could feel and it could be proven if I can touch it and my emotions would react in a certain way. But it was not the case most of the time.
Most of the relationships I was involved into was more physical, therefore the emotions that were involved made me think it was love. But it was all just a lie. A facade of relationship that were meant to confuse me of knowing the truth about love. Although I know for certain that some men whom I had serious relationships with were very real to me. Their affection had taught me eventually to feel love in an uncertain way. And it was uncomfortable.
Dear reader, I know that you might not agree, but bear with me. I know somehow you had been into that situation of your life where you thought you knew love. You might think I am just a desperate soul. Bear with me again. But what does love mean? How shall we know it was love despite of the hurt and scars we have been through in the past?
Many times I was asked: how do you manage to overcome such divorce and such childhood memories without being so angry at the world?
I usually answer, its because I know how kindness works. I have sympathy but I dont allow people just to trample on me. I bring all things to right Judgement = God and then I allow myself openly to forgive.
There is a famous scripture that speaks of this
1 Corinthians 13 Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I have become sounding brass or a clanging cymbal. 2 And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 3 And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body [a]to be burned, but have not love, it profits me nothing.4 Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not [b]puffed up; 5 does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, [c]thinks no evil; 6 does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; 7 bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.8 Love never fails. But whether there are prophecies, they will fail; whether there are tongues, they will cease; whether there is knowledge, it will vanish away.
When i look at the passage, we thought that we love people when we help and when we give. the truth told, thats not the case, mostly because we can help and give with a motives behind. We can help and we can give with a benefit we expect to get. Isn’t that clear to say we are more selfish and we love more ourselves than others?
The 1st phrase speaks that love can endure, it is kind. Have we been enduresome on the attitudes of others when we dont understand them? or when they are so annoying and we can’t bear them even a second? Are we kind enough to consider their situations and are we kind enough in words? Are we? I wasn’t. But I learned to train myself to be kind and endure. I can say I endured more than being kind.
The 2nd phrase speaks – love does not envy; love does not parade itself and it is not puffed up! how often do we envy what others have? how often do we parade our own achievements without successful results? we hide in the truth that we achieved something yet in the truth we didn’t even see any result at all but, often we think we are more highly than others. isnt it that shows we are puffed up? I have learned to control myself in this to never boast too much of myself and to always put myself humble because nothing I achieved I have gotten without God placing the people infront of me, and thinking that God Himself laid my journey to learn to in those trials to gain the achievements to know that others as well are as important than I am.
The 3rd phrase was – does not behave rudely, does not provoke, does not seek its own and thinks no evil! Whew! I think guys I gotta stop writing. Everytime I read this, I feel so hit because most of the time I behave rudely, I have not seek after my own benefits or so but I behave rudely, I do provoke sometimes or often. But I guess this are as well the traits that are more trainable for us to put away once we are in Messiah. Once we know that we are starting to become rude, we are behaving bad already. once we are provoked or feeling angry we think evil. Once we were hurt and felt abused, we mostly revenge to find a solution for our own. Isn’t that clearly states that we have that sinful nature? And yet God gives us the moment everyday to wake up and change our ways.
The 4th phrase was – does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; .How often do we do the reverse? We rejoice sometimes on the fall of others. Imagine when people fail on their lives and something happens on them. Example is online. When one fails, you would read the comments and how evil they wish for others. Often on cafeterias, you would hear people wishing bad things regarding the politicians. We should do the reverse. We should expose the iniquity with respect and truth without provocation and without self intention. We should Rejoice when someone says the truth and when someone actually admits their failures and lives on like the failure had never happened. It has no use to remember the failure and murmur over it again and again. That we shall rejoice in truth and be brave to expose evil.’
The 5th phrase – bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Mostly we feel that people are unbearable once they become annoying or once we started to get to know them. But I truly hope that we will start to bear with others who suffer much more or less, despite of what we know. Let us hope att all things despite of what we go through or what others are going through. Let us endure and persevere under trials. Never give up. Never ever give up.
Giving up and without love is for cowards.