Its easy to claim ourselves “Christian” And its easy to think that going to church means we are believers. It is also easier to think that everyone that goes to church are Jesus followers. But all of this are obviously not what Jesus had commanded, neither Jesus endorsed a church but always preached and encouraged people to have a relationship and intimacy with God……Yet all in all, when our faith becomes our backbone, your life will be a living witness eventually. Or let us say, if we become too religious and are bound to traditions rather than living the faith, our life is still a witness of what we are standing for… Obviously.
I was once a church member, I once followed the traditions of a certain system and obeyed its rules and regulations. I once lived in an environment where people think they are different from people who live outside the church circle. Where the minister preach and the members listen and then go home and live the way they want to be. And the people outside are like illnesses to be avoided parading that because of being a church member, you now become holy. Behind the persons heart, they forgot that once, they have been like those outside yet the walls became their courage.
Please do not misunderstand me. I do not mean that I want disorder in a circle of fellowship. Or that I am against a church members or ministers. I am only against the system. You see, Priests and Pastors preach about loving others yet not showing how. Preaching a holy life yet not living right. And the fingers are pointed out…obviously!
But it was too obvious for me that whilst I was in a church, I often hear who Jesus is but never saw who he was through the people that I am surrounded with. Often, I see the lifestyle of the people are too obvious for me to realise that their faith is dead. But I was just a young lady and all I knew was the church would raise your faith for you and you just have to follow their instructions. In my understanding then, I do not need to read the bible because the minister would doctrine me and would read for me anyways. I thought that our bible studies would be enough to ensure that I will be “knowledgeable” about the scriptures. But although Ive heard about Jesus, I never had understanding about the meaning of life. I was told about sin and repentance but i never understood why! And the doctrines would go on for an hour and I remember leaving the church door with all the questions in my head “what is the purpose of this faith without experiencing the life in it? Is God really there?”
Suddenly, I am reminded of the moment when I was 8 years old. As I enter a dark alley directing to our house, I felt afraid because it seemed there is something evil that follows me. So from the minister I heard whom have said that every knee shall bow in the name of Jesus, so I screamed! I am not afraid of you in the name of Jesus, and suddenly I felt some power went in my body and there was something that left my side. And it was there I knew that the Spirit of God is alive. And that there is a God that watches over us. But I was afraid to speak about the experience and the thought came to me that I will be called crazy. Yet this experiece had followed with certain mysteries. I experienced that at the age of 8, everytime I pray it seemed there is someone listening to me. The presence is so overwhelming and it feels like I do not want that presence to leave. The presence always leaves me to tears and joy and a mysterious courage. I knew I could face the hardships as a child because of that experience.
Years later, I obviously got the courage to ask the ministers a questions and yet no one could satisfy me with their answers. In my fear for my mother, I obeyed the instructions of the ministers and the elders that guided me. Not until I turned 15 and learned to speak for myself. And I became against the church and left it. I was called a sinner for leaving the church because their belief is that they are the only church built in the rising of the sun and the only people who will be saved. Yet, my heart felt assure that Jesus is not there, and the Spirit does not reside in them.
Nowadays, I do not belong to a church, yet I do not claim myself a christian but a disciple of Jesus. Now I understood that Jesus never built a church and neither he encouraged people to go to church. Jesus said ” come to me, I am the way, the truth and the life”. Therefore, To come to Jesus is to know the truth that salvation is laid for free by grace that we should repent and change our lives for good. And Obviously that in repentance we should come to him to be washed(baptised) for he himself had been baptised in water and was filled by the spirit of God through the visitation of a Dove with an affirmation of God saying ” I am pleased with my son”. I am convinced that church is just a system to manipulate people and use them to highlight a career. Because it is easy for people to come to a minister and ask for prayer rather than to come to God and ask personally. It is obvious that a minister/pastor can fall into a trap of fame and self gratification to ensure a position and would forget God who put them there. It is easy for a system to think that they can achieve many things because of their own will and would follow such margins of regulations rather than to abide in the commandment of God.
I have seen many people that had attended the church for over many years and still living in a lie, making sidelines of evil works and pleasing themselves thinking that God is still gracious and would forgive me “everytime” and reasoning with themselves that “I am just human and I make mistakes”. Seeing and hearing the word yet lives for themselves only. Never believing the miracles yet asks for it to happen. And when miracles happen, denying what happen and would call it “false”. Obviously, this are the things that made me more careful of church system. I am not against church, because I know that there are many people who love God and serve God but not knowing you can serve even outside the walls.
When I truly became a Disciple of Jesus, I have found out that the edges of my margins are met. My standards of “doing good” because it “feels good” were slowly fadind away because they were done without a pure heart. The good deeds were performed with the motivation of receiving gratification from others with thoughts of being godly. I have learned that the church will not be your judge in the end of these life. I have gained wisdom that the word written in the scriptures are the judge of our souls, it reveals our sinful nature towards God that needed cleansing and a redeemer. I understood that whilst we hear the word of God from others mouth and when we listen to the word attentively along with our hearts, The Spirit of God touches our hearts and knead our souls to be convicted that we may be awaken from sin and would come to senses to turn to Him and acknowledge that we truly have sinned and need Him. That our redeemer is given to us by grace. To reconcile us again with our maker. But the distance seemed too far to come to God, yet the possibilities are huge to be saved only if received with a humble heart. And I acknowledged that His nature is merciful yet honest and faithful. For although I knew I have sinned, God is merciful to forgive and gracious by giving a chance and time for me to repent. I gained the heart of understanding knowing that although the church was built, God forgives a heart that comes to Him willingly. That a church building is not a life but the unity of your soul into the the essence of God is the true and right way of life that we may live longer in peace and joy. That the spirit of God resides in these human shell to be able to perform the miracles and works of God. And from then onwards, I have learned to stop doing things that could hurt the heart of God. Because then, I started to fall in love with Him.
It is obvious for me to see whom are following Jesus and whom are following men. For the people that follow Jesus leaves the comfort zone and the pleasures of life is not the desire of their life. People that follow Jesus are the most hungry and longing people. They leave themselves and put others first, they put themselves behind to strenghten the one who do not have courage. Humility was their glory, and serving was their honor. They strive hard for righteousness and works for the best they can do to live a holy life. They live the life in peace and embracing the oppurtunities of life in thanksgiving and enduring trials with joy. Being a representative of Jesus, they see to it that their lives are witnesses of what they preach. they are free from sinful nature of mankind and striving for spiritual living. Becoming a SAINT.
It is also obvious for me to see those that claimed themselves believers or “christians” living a double life. One feet on the ground and another on the grave. For these people having a form of godliness-living life like they seemed good, but denying the power of transformation by the word of God in correction, teaching, training and learning how to live righteous life. They know the word of God, but they dont believe a person’s changes and they dont see the truth of living the faith in a devoted way. Their eyes are lusting after the pleasures of the world, prioritising the pleasures that the surrounding can give and think that God would still be a loving God. They are not drunkards nor murderers but their heart seeks after the pleasures of the world. And their selifish thoughts and motives are their strength to use others for their benefits. Althought heir mouth speaks about Jesus and although they serve him, still their hearts and conscience was revealed by the spirit… Becoming a false witness..
I am courageous to say by the grace of God that my life is obviously a living witness and people had seen the true changes in my life. That in godly way I could boast that I am walking a godly life. Although I know that it is not easy to overcome evil by doing good, but in my heart I am motivated everyday that throught he choices I am given, I can do the things that pertains to God…. and OBVIOUSLY,
God sees whatever is done under the sun….